"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
