Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
