wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I could make wine with my vomit
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
