you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
