do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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