Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
