Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
