I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
