I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
