He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
