she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
