Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize