I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
