Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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