Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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