we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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