dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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