I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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