We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
