its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
