1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
