I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
