An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
