Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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