My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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