what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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