Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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