I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
