Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
