Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
