I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
