Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
