Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
