You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
