did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just found puke in my bra..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
