OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
