I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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