just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
