Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
