i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
