that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
