Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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