his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize