yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
