And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
