her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
