this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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