Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
