I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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