she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
