I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
