How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
