break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
