A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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