I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
