Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
