he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
