I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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