Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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