Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
