Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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