so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
