just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
