You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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