mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
