when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
