Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
