I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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