I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
