i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize