it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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